Episode 155: The Importance of Mindset as a Business Owner with Teresa Heath-Wareing

April 11, 2023

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Theresa Heath-Wareing stresses the importance of having a solid business owner mindset that will help you with ebbs and flows.

The Importance of Business Owner Mindset

Can I be honest? When I first started my business, I would see other business owners talk about how important mindset is to running a successful business, and I would wave it away and dismiss it. In my mind, I needed knowledge, and with knowledge, I could craft the business of my dreams.

Well, my friend … I’m here to admit that I was wrong. 5 years in to running a business, and I have come to appreciate just how valuable of an asset mindset is as a business owner.

But – it’s still not one of my strengths, so I’ve brought in a special guest today to help us both.

Teresa Heath-Wareing is an online business, marketing & mindset expert who works with business owners from across the world, helping them to build a business and life they love.

Teresa’s online membership and her innovative Dream Business Growth Path enable overwhelmed business owners to balance their lives, while building a business they love.

As well as inspiring members to dream big and set ambitious long term business goals, Teresa equips them with practical actionable steps to get them closer to their goals. Her holistic emphasis on the whole business, and the mindset of the business owner, enables her members to navigate the world of running a business with Teresa as their biggest cheerleader.

An international best-selling author, award winning speaker and TEDx speaker. She is the host of the Your Dream Business Podcast and has interviewed the likes of Amy Porterfield, Pat Flynn, Michael Hyatt, Jasmine Star, Stu McLaren, Mike Stelzner and Dean Graziosi., Teresa is recognised alongside some of the world’s digital marketing thought leaders and is widely regarded as one of the UK’s leading marketing influencers.

Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Theresa Heath-Wareing stresses the importance of having a solid business owner mindset that will help you with ebbs and flows.

Teresa Heath-Wareing is an online business, marketing & mindset expert who works with business owners from across the world, helping them to build a business and life they love.

Teresa’s online membership and her innovative Dream Business Growth Path enable overwhelmed business owners to balance their lives, while building a business they love.

As well as inspiring members to dream big and set ambitious long term business goals, Teresa equips them with practical actionable steps to get them closer to their goals. Her holistic emphasis on the whole business, and the mindset of the business owner, enables her members to navigate the world of running a business with Teresa as their biggest cheerleader.

An international best-selling author, award winning speaker and TEDx speaker. She is the host of the Your Dream Business Podcast and has interviewed the likes of Amy Porterfield, Pat Flynn, Michael Hyatt, Jasmine Star, Stu McLaren, Mike Stelzner and Dean Graziosi., Teresa is recognised alongside some of the world’s digital marketing thought leaders and is widely regarded as one of the UK’s leading marketing influencers.

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Amanda: Can I be honest? When I first started my business, I would see other business owners talk about how important mindset is to running a successful business, and I would wave it away and dismiss it because in my mind I needed knowledge, and with knowledge I could craft the business of my dreams. Well, my friend, I am here to formally admit that I was wrong five years into running a business, and I have come to appreciate.

Amanda: How valuable of an asset mindset truly is as a business owner, but it is still not one of my strengths. So I’ve brought in a special guest today to help us both. Theresa Heath Wearing is an online business marketing and mindset expert who works with business owners from across the world. Helping them to build a business and life that they love.

Amanda: Theresa’s online membership and her innovative dream business growth plan enable overwhelm business owners to balance their lives while building a business they love as well as inspiring members to dream big and set ambitious long-term business goals, [00:01:00] Theresa equips them with practical, actionable steps to help them get closer to those goals.

Amanda: Her holistic emphasis on the whole business and the mindset of the business owner enables her members to navigate the world of running a. With Teresa as their biggest cheerleader, an international bestselling author, award-winning speaker, and Ted X Speaker. She is the host of the Your Business Dream Podcast and has interviewed the likes of Amy Porterfield, Pat Flynn, Michael Hyatt, Jasmine Star, Stu McLaren, Mike Stelzner, and Dean Graziosi.

Amanda: Teresa is recognized alongside some of the world’s digital marketing thought leaders and is widely regarded as one of the UK’s leading marketing influencer. You’re listening to episode 155 of The Chasing Simple Podcast, and I’m your host, Amanda Warfield. You are truly in for a treat with this one. This episode was brought to you by the Chasing Simple Content Planner, and you can grab your own at amanda warfield.com/planner.

Amanda: How [00:02:00] do I run a successful business from my home? How can I possibly wear all of the hats? Am I the only one that struggles with staying organized? What am I supposed to do about work-life balance? How can I create a solid schedule and routine? How do I even stay productive? And the biggest question of all.

Amanda: How do I manage it all? And can I really create a business that I love without being chained in my laptop? Welcome to The Chasing Simple Podcast, where hard conversations and actionable education meet simplicity. I’m your host, Amanda Warfield, time management coach, online educator, and crazy Cat Mama. My mission is to help overwhelm biz owners get more done and less time so that they have more time and energy for what matters most.

Amanda: If you feel overwhelmed or. Occasionally lost in the rollercoaster. That is entrepreneurship. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Those things you’re feeling, you aren’t the first or the last to feel that way. The hard things you’re going through, someone else has [00:03:00] already been there too each week, bringing you transparent conversations, actionable steps, and a judgment free community to encourage and equip you.

Amanda: So grab yourself a cup of coffee or whenever your drink of choice is and meet me here each week for love support. Practical tips and advice on simplifying your biz. Let’s do this entrepreneurship thing together, shall we?

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Amanda: The Chasing Simple Shop is the quick and simple way to take your content to the next level, and you can get 10% off. Any item [00:04:00] just for being a listener of the Chasing Civil Podcast by using the Code Listener at checkout, just head to amanda warfield.com/shop. And again, that code for 10% off is listener.

Amanda: Theresa, I am so excited to have you on. I have been really looking forward to this interview. So can you please tell everyone a little bit about yourself, your business, and who it is that you? 

Theresa: Of course I can, and I am also very excited to come and chat to you. I’m really looking forward to today. So I’m Theresa Wearing and I work with business owners from around the world to help them create a business and life that they love.

Theresa: And I don’t say that likely. I don’t say that from like just a fluffy thing. I say that from a, I help them understand. What it is that’s important to them, what season of life they’re in, what’s important to their family and their friends and their home, and then how do they create a business that fits around all of that?

Theresa: And also, while they’re doing that, I help them [00:05:00] unlearn maybe some of the unhelpful stuff they’ve maybe heard in the past where they’ve told they’ve got a. Have a certain type of business or they’ve gotta earn a certain type of money, or it’s gotta look a certain way, or they’re no good if they don’t do this.

Theresa: So I work with them to really empower them to understand what it is they do. And I do this through my membership. I have a membership and I have a couple of courses and I do it through speaking. I’m a podcaster, I’m an author, so I try and get myself out there as much as I possibly can. For free. You know, there’s lots of things that even come listen to and do for free as well as in my pay programs.

Theresa: But I work with mainly women. It’s not that I only work with women, I seem to attract a lot more women. My branding is very feminine. I’m quite feminine. That’s probably the reason. But yeah, and I. and I tend to work with businesses from anywhere and who do anything. And I love that. I love the fact that I can [00:06:00] one minute be talking to someone about, uh, one of my members is nutritionist and she has a membership for perimenopausal women.

Theresa: And then I could be talking to, uh, someone else who owns an art gallery and how they sell art. And then I might talk to someone else who makes things. Or someone else who’s a coach or someone else who has an online business. And I love the fact that my brain has to like move that fast. So yeah, so I don’t really niche.

Theresa: My niche is me and uh, I work with those amazing business owners from wherever they are and with whatever they need. So we do a mix of marketing and business and of course mindset. 

Amanda: And what I love so much about what you do is that you really push everyone to. One, think about whatever season of life they’re currently in.

Amanda: I don’t see enough people talking about this. Yeah. And it’s such an important part, I mean, of life really. And just like non-work routines, it’s so important to realize what season of life you’re in. You know? You see people who are like, well, everyone says that [00:07:00] you should get up at 5:00 AM. And it’s like, but if you have an infant that’s keeping you up all night, that’s really silly.

Amanda: Why are you trying to get up sleep Your body needs. It’s so important for outside of work, but it’s so important for inside of work too, especially for those of us that are business owners and we have that freedom and flexibility. So I love that that’s something you really drill down on with everyone.

Amanda: And I also love that you really push people to consider what they want and not what someone else told them that they need and not what some other. Guru or expert said is the right way or the best way, but what they want and what works for their business. Yeah. And considering that you work with such a wide range of businesses and business owners, I’m really curious to know what sort of similar themes do you see running throughout all of the work that you do with your clients?

Theresa: I think for me, one of the biggest themes that we have is freedom, but the word freedom can mean so many other things. It could be freedom from [00:08:00] uh, having to. Be accountable to clients or freedom from the worry of money or freedom from the do you know what? One of my members just messaged me and said, I’m taking the afternoon off.

Theresa: It’s ace. I’ve just had an impromptu, I’m doing something with the children. I’m taking the afternoon off. So that seems to be a main thing that runs through and what really amazes me, especially when it comes to. People talking about maybe online business is the perfect solution. And, and don’t get me wrong, I have an online business.

Theresa: I adore my online business, but when people talk about freedom and, and getting real freedom, they often talk about online business. And the truth is, yes, you can have freedom, but you can’t ever, if you were. . If you have an online business that is you, that does not give you the flexibility to just disappear for six months at a time or to get someone else to do it.

Theresa: You know, I have a membership and I do everything in my membership because of the fact of, I’ve been in memberships where I, I’ve joined up because of someone and they’ve never even been [00:09:00] there. I’ve never even seen them in there. So I turn up to the coaching calls, I do the mindset sessions. I am there when we have external training, but I’m the one introducing them.

Theresa: So for me, it’s about. Sometimes when they kind of sell you this, this story of what a business can look like, you’re sold a bit of a lie and actually, . It’s not trying to be negative about it. It’s about trying to get people to understand what does their freedom look like to them. So again, someone might love the fact of, well, actually I don’t want clients.

Theresa: So having an online business and showing up and being on camera is my idea of freedom, which it is for me. Whereas someone else, I’ve got another member who. Is, uh, she’s awesome and she has a membership and she’s now in a season of life where her husband and her are thinking about not retiring as such, but they’re liking to take some nice long holidays.

Theresa: And she came on a call the other day and she was like, I don’t wanna do this anymore. And she said, I feel like I’m failing. I’m like, you’re not failing. It’s not fitting with your season of life. She, at the beginning of lockdown, it was great. I was on [00:10:00] all the calls, doing all the things. She goes, I don’t wanna do that.

Theresa: I want to be able to go away for two, three weeks at a time and not think, but I’ve gotta go on a coaching call or I’ve gotta do a cook along, cuz she’s a nutritionist. And so for her, the online business is no longer working for her. And actually the one-to-one stuff might work better. It is about that thing.

Theresa: And, and, and like I said, freedom is often the word that comes through and that’s often a word that lots of gurus use, but it’s understanding what type of freedom, you know, whether it is an actual financial or time or people, or, you know, being accountable. It’s really understanding that. 

Amanda: Yeah. And personally I am in this transition phase out into a new season of life where, you know, I’ve been working typically Monday through Thursday, and I’ve been working like nine to four. And that’s just, I have my set hours and I have all of my business stuff set up in a certain way. And my husband has just started a new job where he’s working shift work and his [00:11:00] schedule is constantly changing.

Amanda: And so now like we’re recording this on a Thur, it’s Thursday. I don’t even know what day, week it is, right? Now’s Thursday. . It’s always, always something. Um, but we’re recording this on a Thursday and my weekend this week was yesterday. And today, yes, because his schedule is shifting and so that’s been, it’s a new season of life and freedom is looking different than it used to, but it’s also a really big mindset struggle for me as someone who has always thought.

Amanda: Okay, well a work week is Monday through Thursday. I always thought like, oh, I take Friday off. I’m so evolved, um, , and now it’s a whole new ballgame. Now it’s, oh, I have to really, because I wake up on a typical quote unquote workday. Mm-hmm. , and I have to tell myself today is a weekend. Yes. Like, and I have to really sit, sit with that and say, today is a weekend.

Amanda: I do not have to work today. I don’t need to feel like I need to work today. Just [00:12:00] because, yeah. The rest of the online space is working. And so it’s, it’s been a lot of mindset work for me. And I know that you. Rely very heavily on mindset work, and you do a lot of that with your clients, and that is what we are here to talk about today.

Amanda: Mm-hmm. . So I would love to know what is mindset work? What, for the people who maybe haven’t started diving into that yet, what is it and why is it so important as a business owner to really add that in to your day to. 

Theresa: So that’s a great question and, and I’m not sure was actually asking me what mindset is and how to explain it, but for me, when I think about mindset, it’s about the awareness.

Theresa: It’s about the attention that we give to ourselves and what we’re doing and how we’re managing things. And I think for me, that’s the, the key in why it’s so important in business because. The stories we tell ourselves, the conversations we have in our own head, [00:13:00] the things that hold us back. If we are not aware of these, then they continue to do so.

Theresa: And sometimes things are happening and we don’t even know. Even when you are working on mindset stuff, like you might be stuck somewhere and you just can’t figure out why there’s a reason, but you just can’t figure out why. So for me, a mindset, Looking at mindset is more about having a understanding of you having an understanding how you fit in your world.

Theresa: And I love the example you gave in terms of your season of life because, and this is what I aim to do when I’m in my membership and when I work with people, is understand them and their life because. I could look at you as a business person and go take Fridays off, but that’s not gonna work for you because your husband now works shifts.

Theresa: So it’s got, you’ve gotta understand where that person sits in their own life and who’s involved. So, yeah, so for me, the mindset work is about getting clearer on who you are, clearer on where you are in your world, clearer on what you want. And really it’s giving you time to. It’s almost like mindset [00:14:00] work is quite a luxury I find like cuz it’s given you that time to sit and think and ponder and analyze and go through certain tools and activities that help you really understand this.

Theresa: But the. , it sounds so gentle and so nothing but the shift and the change and the difference that can be made by doing mindset work is phenomenal. It literally is life changing. 

Amanda: So what kind of shifts have you seen in your own business and maybe even with some of your clients from really diving into that mindset?

Theresa: So again, like the great example of my member messaging me going, I’m taking this afternoon off of my kids. She would never have done that because she had been in this mindset where basically she couldn’t do that. To be a successful business owner, you couldn’t just take an afternoon off because to be a successful business owner, you had to hustle.

Theresa: You had to work hard, you had to charge a lot, you had to earn a lot of money or [00:15:00] more than she was earning. Things like getting clear on what the reason she’s doing this for and the reason she’s running her business and the reason she’s doing the work is so that she can spend time with her family. But the mindset work comes into it, not only to understand that that’s the goal that she actually truly really wants, but also to look at how is her life set up now and is it heading to that goal?

Theresa: Is it working? For you or against you. And then it’s putting those things in place for it to work for you. And then it’s when you do take action like she has today, there was no apology, there was no, I’m gonna work late tonight. There was none of that. It was like, no, I know what I’m doing. This is my life.

Theresa: I’m in control. I can do this thing. And again, it might sound really simple, but if you are sat there listening to this and you are overwhelmed or stressed, or. Completely head is fuzzy. You can’t think straight or you keep finding [00:16:00] yourself going through the same pattern and hitting the same brick wall every time.

Theresa: Like so you try and launch something, you try and do something, you try and get a new client and it is just hitting the brick wall. Hitting a brick wall. There’s a reason for that. Like there is a reason why, and I’m not trying to play it down, like do you want exercise? And it’ll all be fixed cause that is not the case.

Theresa: But there’s a reason for that. And also, Just generally, if you are not happy in your life, now I’m not sat here saying that. Just put a smile on your face. All is good, and think positive thoughts. It’s not that it’s about we have one life, you know, depending on what you believe, but we are in our one life at the moment and I don’t ever want to come out of it and go.

Theresa: I should have done that, or I should have tried harder, or I shouldn’t have let that one person say that one thing and bother me, which then stopped me doing all these other things. And it’s not until we start looking at it and, and pulling these things apart that we realize that that’s happening. So it can be, like I said, some minute shift of that one thing.

Theresa: It can be a huge shift of [00:17:00] I’m stopping this and I’m doing this in my life. It can be. You know, and, and this is not so much mindset work, but this is, I guess, you know, a, it can be a shift to change of I don’t want that person in my life anymore, or I’m gonna go and do more of this. That makes me happy. You know, it can be so much stuff and it can be big and it can be small and sometimes it’s almost, it can feel insignificant and it’s not until then you look back and you see how far you come and you’re like, wow, that is phenomen. 

Amanda: Love that when you give the example of your client, what I’m hearing is that she has so much peace. Mm-hmm. over that decision to spend the afternoon with her kids. Because I think a lot of times we can say, well, I’m going to do this thing because in my mind I know that I should mm-hmm. , but we’re not really, like we can sit there and say, okay, well this is what I want out of my life and this is why I’m starting my business.

Amanda: And we can know all those things logically. Yeah. , but then our heart or our gut still makes us feel guilty as we’re [00:18:00] doing it. Even if we know logically it’s the right thing in what we really want, we still feel guilty. Yeah. And that mindset work has helped her relieve that guilt. And I, I know that it’s not always simple and easy and that it does take a lot of practice, but as you practice more and more of that, it does become simpler to set that aside and to really be okay with each decision that you’re making throughout the day for your business and for your personal life.

Theresa: And that has a huge knock on effect. So let’s say she decided to take the afternoon off from work and spend it with her children because it’s the summer holidays here in the UK and they’re off, and she goes and does this fun thing. But in her head, she’s going, but I’ve got so much work to do and I really shouldn’t be doing this.

Theresa: And what if a client wants me and. I, you know, this isn’t a proper business owner. A proper business owner wouldn’t just take time off in an afternoon. And what if she was telling herself all these stories? So what’s then the knock on effect of it? So she’s thinking all these things. So how’s that gonna make her feel?

Theresa: Well, it’s gonna feel horrible. You’re gonna feel like, well, I’ve [00:19:00] probably failed. Or you feel like, well, I’m not a real business person. Or you feel like you’re trying to, you are no good at either, cuz that. As a parent, that is a constant thing. Like you either an okay mom or okay business, you’re never good at both.

Theresa: Like, so she would feel all these things and based on her feelings, her actions then might be, well, do you know what? I’m gonna work all night tonight. So instead of going home or going back to where she is and having some dinner and putting the children to bed and getting a good night’s sleep herself, so she’s refreshed and ready for tomorrow, her action because of her thoughts might be, I’m gonna work all tonight.

Theresa: I’m gonna like put the, you know, give the kids something really quick to eat. I’m not gonna eat with them. Um, so therefore, you know, she wouldn’t have the time with ’em. I’m gonna put ’em to bed. She probably is gonna be a little bit short in terms of like her patients and putting them to bed, cuz she’s thinking I’ve gotta get to work, I’ve gotta get back to work.

Theresa: She’ll then get back to work. She might work till 1112 at night. She’ll have not much sleep and then she’ll wake up tomorrow feeling rubbish and the result. Tomorrow, the work won’t be as good as she could have done. So that [00:20:00] is such a, and it’s that one tiny bit of work that she’s done that has basically changed the direct directory trajectory.

Theresa: You know the word, I mean, um, the, you know, the flow of what then happens. Because instead what’s going to happen is she’s gonna go, no, I’m gonna like to take time off with my children. And no, I don’t have to work tonight if I don’t want to. And do you know what? I’m actually not going to, I’m going to do this.

Theresa: I’m gonna wake up fresh and tomorrow I’ll get loads done. So as much as it seems so small and so insignificant, that one slight shift can then put you on a complete different. 

Amanda: Yeah, I know I’ve experienced that where the whole, oh, my clients are gonna think poorly of me if I’m not working during quote unquote work hours.

Amanda: I’ve, we were in, uh, home Depot a few weeks ago on a typical workday, but my husband was often, so I was off that day as well, so we could be together. And I had a client Voxer me, and [00:21:00] she had a request. A typical, normal, everyday request that if I had been in office, I would not have thought twice about, but because I had all of those spiraling thoughts about, uh, you know, my clients aren’t going to approve of this, yada yada, I can’t serve my clients well if I’m taking this time off, all of those things.

Amanda: My first thought was, oh my gosh, I’m a terrible business owner. All of my clients are gonna fire me, and then I you spiral. Burn it down, burn the whole business down mode. In reality, 

Theresa: what do I even do with my life? 

Amanda: It doesn’t, yeah, exactly. It’s one of those spirals where it’s like, okay, well now I’m gonna burn everything down.

Amanda: When in reality had I been in office, I would’ve looked at that request and been like, okay, I’m adding it to my to-do list and I will get to it by the end of the day. No big deal. Exactly. 

Theresa: And the same with like, and I used to have this a lot. Not when I had, cuz when I first started my business, I had clients and now I have an online business, but I used to.

Theresa: Like when I had clients and I would be out and let’s say I was picking up my daughter from the school run or meeting someone for lunch or doing something nice, which I never did that often cause I was a [00:22:00] single parent and I couldn’t afford it. But let’s say I was, and I would get a client calling or I’d get an email through and I’d exactly say, I’d be thinking, oh my goodness, I’m out.

Theresa: This is awful. What are they gonna think are, they’re gonna be so angry I didn’t get on this, but then I used to think, well, hang on. I do like strategy days with people. I do days where I am training all day, and do I feel guilty then? No, because I’m working. So what’s the difference? I’m not accessible 24 hours a day.

Theresa: They do not pay me 24 hours a day. So it’s okay to let them wait. And I think that’s where often we don’t even have the awareness of that whole process. We don’t even have the awareness that we’re even thinking those things, and then we’re resulting in those. All the mindset work that we do and every little tiny little bit of exercise, little thing we do, all leads to that self-awareness of actually I don’t need to beat myself up because you know what?

Theresa: I’m doing a good job. Like I’m doing the best I can do right now, and that is plenty good enough and I’m not gonna feel guilty for it. So how 

Amanda: do we begin [00:23:00] if we are wanting to build that self-awareness so that we can work on our mindset? Cause I’m really glad that you brought that up because I know that before I, I mean it took me years.

Amanda: I am. Five years into running a business at this point. And I’m really just now starting to work on the mindset side of things, because I had no idea. People were talking about mindset and it was so over my head, I was like, that’s too woo. That’s not mm-hmm. like that’s not actually helpful. That’s a woo thing.

Amanda: But in reality, I just didn’t have that self-awareness and I didn’t realize that that’s what I was missing. So how do we start? How do we begin to build that so that we can start really working on our mindset as business owners? 

Theresa: and I’m so glad you said that because I used to think it was woo. I used to think like, you know, I’m gonna talk about manifesting and we’re gonna talk about like this and that and, and I was so not woo, and now I am quite woo.

Theresa: But mindset and the ness are two different things. Sometimes they overlap, but they are two different things. So for me, when I first started, I actually started with a coach. I had a coach that I worked with who was really good at this stuff. Like amazing [00:24:00] when it comes to mindset. And most coaches are, cuz that’s their thing.

Theresa: So for me, if you can, and I know it’s time, cost and time and all that sort of thing, but if you can find someone that’s teaching this, so whether you get a coach one-to-one, whether you join a membership like mine where we do mindset exercises, but having someone who can walk you through some exercises because you.

Theresa: even though I do all this for my members, doing it for myself is much harder. So I need someone to help me with my mindset stuff. So finding someone is really, really useful. But I think if you are sat there going, okay, I haven’t got the money, I haven’t got the time to do those things, one of the first things I would do, and again, this can seem a little bit woo, I promise.

Theresa: Once you get it, you get it and it’s game changing. is journaling. Okay. Now, someone told me about journaling a really long time ago, and I was like, I didn’t get it. And I tried and I didn’t get it. And it took years for me to eventually get it. And now I do journaling every single morning. It’s the very first thing I do when I wake, [00:25:00] and it’s really helpful because.

Theresa: And I’m gonna give you a real life example. So my coach at the time, the lovely Mary was working with me and I had not long met my husband. Now, well not not long, I’ve been back a year or so in a relationship, and we were moving in together and he had a teenage stepdaughter and my daughter was five. So can you imagine I’m jumping from a five-year-old?

Theresa: To a 15 year old and she’s a 15 year old and her dad has not long got divorced and her mum had gone off with someone else and her dad’s got a new girlfriend and her life is in turmoil, so she wasn’t the best behaved so many a time like the stress and the anxiety and everything. This house was completely overwhelming and Mary was talking about journaling and I was.

Theresa: Not sure I get it. Really struggling with it. And she’s like, I want you to think about what if you came from love. She goes, I want you to, when something happens, Literally write it all down. Scream on the page. Write anything you want as mean, as you [00:26:00] like. However you feel. Literally get it on the page.

Theresa: Don’t think about it. You’re not gonna reread it, you’re not gonna give it to anybody else to read. You can throw it away afterwards if you want. I mean, I write. When I journal, I write in the most ridiculous handwriting. No one could read it anyway. So I literally used to sit there and be like, I can’t believe she’s done this.

Theresa: I mean, if someone read them, geez man, they would not have, uh, liked me very much, but I would literally scream at the behavior. I’d write down all this stuff as fast as I could about how angry I was, how she behaved, and I’d disgusting this is, and how annoying and this isn’t fair, and all this sort of stuff.

Theresa: And then. You wear yourself out and you get to a point where you go, Ooh, I’m done now. And then that point I’d write, what if I came from love? And then I would start writing again and I’d go, she’s 15 years old, and her mom’s just left and her dad was in the military and he’s now at home and a full-time person.

Theresa: And suddenly this new woman’s coming her life with a four-year-old or a five-year-old, like this poor girl. [00:27:00] I can’t tell you the amount of times that properly saved my marriage because of the fact that it was so stressful and it was so hard to deal with, but actually just having an outlet that wasn’t screaming at my husband.

Theresa: Don’t get me wrong, there are many times I screamed at my husband, but like having that other outlet and then. once I had worn out, and I dunno whether you’ve read the Chimp Paradox, but it’s an excellent book. But he, um, professor Steven Peters, I think it is, and he talks about the human brain and, and the chimp brain, and it’s the chimp brain that’s going crazy on the page that literally is like, I hate this.

Theresa: This is not bad, da da, da. But it wears it, so you can’t fight it. It’s, it’s so strong. You can’t fight it. So you just have to let it wear itself out. And once it’s worn itself out, the human takes over and the human goes. Yeah, but you probably didn’t need to say this or you probably shouldn’t have acted that way.

Theresa: And then what would often happen, cause I’d finished journaling and then I’d find my husband or I’d like turn around table my friend in the same office and go, yeah, I’m sorry about that. I probably should have [00:28:00] dealt with that a different way. I probably should have handled that a bit better. And you know, now my self-awareness is so high.

Theresa: And thank God we are many, many, many years on from that. Uh, my daughter’s now 12, but she’s now 25, I think. Um, but. Now my self-awareness is so high, I probably don’t need to go through that entire process. I can probably catch myself before those other things happen, or I can find other explanations for things or I can see things differently.

Theresa: And I’m much more self-aware than I have been because of the fact that I’ve gone through this process. So there are a million books out there that you can read and, and I have a load on my website of sort of mindset stuff, but, but that for me, just that really simple act of journaling and. , allowing yourself to put all that like stress out onto a page and then going.

Theresa: Okay. What now? Now I’ve worn myself out. What if I came from love? What if it was something else? What if it’s like, there’s a great story that, um, uh, the Seven Habits of [00:29:00] Highly Effective People is another amazing book for a mindset. And Stephen Covey talks about how our thoughts change everything, which is some to what I’ve talked earlier about.

Theresa: And he was talking about he was on the subway one night and this guy gets on with these two kids and these two kids are like, Feral like they are misbehaving and the the, you. The subway, the train they’re on is pretty quiet. Everyone sat reading and then suddenly these two children come on and they’re going absolutely crazy and they’re jumping on things and making all this noise and the dad has just sat there doing nothing.

Theresa: And so Stephen Covey says, I’m sat there and I’m really annoyed. I’m like, this is ridiculous. You know, they control those children we’re having a, you know, it was nice and calm hair and they’ve come destroyed all how badly behaving. You’re such a terrible parent in his head. And eventually he has to say something because these children are unruly.

Theresa: So, Says to this guy, I’m sorry, can you not like, do something with your children? And the guy says, yeah, I’m really sorry about that. Uh, they’ve just come from the hospital where their mum has passed away, so I really don’t [00:30:00] know what to say to them. And suddenly like shift change completely different. And that’s the thing for me, I think when you can think.

Theresa: Okay. And like I was doing with my stepdaughter, like, what if I came from love? What if I came from her side? What if I thought about her in a different way rather than the stepmom where she’s literally screaming at me? And I think sometimes that shift and that change, trying to be aware of it can, it can be a game changer.

Amanda: So good. That’s such a great way to start thinking about things not only within yourself, but outside of yourself as well. 

Theresa: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And how you treat people. 

Amanda: Yes. Yeah. How you treat people, how you treat yourself. All the things. Yeah. What would you say to those that are listening, that are thinking in theory, journaling sounds great, sounds like a great activity.

Amanda: Mm-hmm. , but they don’t have that habit of when they’re feeling those feelings sitting down and picking up their journal. [00:31:00] What’s it, what have you found that helps maybe yourself or that you recommend the clients that can help start that habit? . Mm-hmm. . 

Theresa: So I think for me, putting it into a routine, but again, you’re entirely right, seasons of life.

Theresa: You know, if you feel like young children, my, my daughter’s 12 now. My stepchildren are much older. Like I have the beauty that I can wake up at my own steam and do stuff without anybody interrupting my morning. Whereas that might not be the case for you. So, but if there is something or somewhere where you can slip that in as a habit, then that’s going to be easier.

Theresa: Like, Attaching it to something else is really, really useful because then you think, okay, it’s like putting your gym clothes out on a, where you would get your clothes from in the morning. Cuz that then takes a thought process out of it. So attaching it to, oh, when I do this, I do. This is really, really helpful.

Theresa: So that’s one thing you do if you find, and you’re totally right when you are in it, oh man, it’s hard to step out of it because you’re in it and you’re doing it. So if you come [00:32:00] out of it and then eventually calm down. Then journal it, then think about it, and then just go through it. And I want you to go through it from a view of a scientist, not a judge.

Theresa: We are the biggest and best judges of ourselves. We can beat ourselves up as soon as look at ourselves like, why did you do that? I can’t believe you acted that way. That was ridiculous. You shouldn’t have said that thing. You should, or you should have said this thing or whatever. It’s too late, but that is not doing anything for anybody.

Theresa: So come from a scientist’s point of view. Okay. That was interesting. And those are the words I put before most sentences where I’m trying to do this and sometimes like, I don’t mean that was interesting. I mean, God, you’re an idiot. Why did you do that? But. I replace it with. That was interesting. Why would I have behaved that way?

Theresa: That was interesting. How did that end up like that? And I think sometimes just asking yourself that question, even in your head or on paper, cuz there is some science behind writing things down, asking yourself, that was [00:33:00] interesting. How or why or what did I do behave? And then see what comes. And then again, it’s the time has gone.

Theresa: You’ve passed that. So there’s no point beating yourself up. You’ve already done it, but the least you can do is learn from it. And then maybe next time you won’t react quite as bad. Or maybe next time you might think slightly better about a situation. And they’re same with a failure. Failure’s a really good one to look at, and this is a very internal one.

Theresa: I’ve talked a lot about how we react to other people. The stepchild thing is just such a good story. But like, so for instance, let’s say you’re going to launch something and uh, I once set a webinar and one person turned up. I’m not even kidding, one person. Uh, I’m glad. So that doesn’t happen anymore, but it did right?

Theresa: Nearly days. So instead of going, I can’t leave one person, turn up cuz you’re such an idiot. You genuinely thought people are gonna turn up. Like of course they’re not gonna turn. What were you thinking? No one’s gonna do this. Instead of like having that judge come down on you. That was interesting that only one person turned up.

Theresa: Why might that be the [00:34:00] case? Well, did you do as much as you could have done? Did you do this? Was that this, how was this? And it’s, it’s really about trying to understand yourself. Like again, when you keep hitting that brick wall of you want to charge more and you can’t, or you want to take time off and you can’t, that’s interesting.

Theresa: Why do I feel like I can’t do that? Or why do I feel like. It’s not gonna happen. And another really good example I give, we have all these exercises that are so good and I could literally talk all day on this stuff. But we talk a lot about limiting beliefs cuz this is one of the things that holds us back as business owners is the belief that we can’t launch something cuz no one’s gonna buy it.

Theresa: We can’t s. Charge at that price because that’s too expensive and people can’t afford it. And there’s a lot of those going around at the moment. You know, the time of recording this, the world is, there’s a lot of conversations about very expensive fuel and all the prices going up and cost the living and all this sort of thing.

Theresa: So because of all this, we are telling ourselves all these stories, we are saying to ourselves, you know, the belief is that. This is the case. [00:35:00] Now the difference with the, A limited belief is it’s not fact, it’s just a belief. So the fact might be that the, uh, it’s costing more at the pump. Okay. Which it totally is.

Theresa: That is fact. I can see it on the pump. I can see it’s gone up. That’s a fact. But the belief I’m taking from that is, well, no one’s gonna buy anything now cause they can’t afford. . Well, that’s not fact. That’s a belief. So often what we do with our limiting beliefs, whether it’s external or internal, sometimes an internal one, we might go.

Theresa: So if we think, um, I’m not very smart and I don’t think I can do this thing. Sometimes with limiting belief, you just flip it and you go, I’m smart enough, I can work this out. But sometimes that doesn’t feel right. Sometimes you think it’s like, you know, I. I tried a long time to lose weight and I not very good at it.

Theresa: For whatever reason, my body does not like to lose weight, but I used to like write these affirmations. I am thin, I am this, and the second I wrote it, I’d go, yeah, whatever, like literally in my head. So the limiting, the swapping, the limiting belief didn’t work for that example. [00:36:00] So then what you do is you try and find someone who.

Theresa: Your belief who basically proves it wrong. So if I was, so for instance, if I sat there and go, you know, I am slim and healthy. Is there no one out there who’s been my size that has lost weight and are slim and healthy? Well, of course there are. Can I, have I got any examples? I could probably think of some people I know.

Theresa: And it’s like, so it’s, that can happen. It’s just a belief that that can’t happen to you. It’s the same when like I tell people to do an exercise and we dream of their perfect day and someone was talking to me about they wanna live on a lake somewhere in the States, they’re in the uk. And I’m like, so.

Theresa: Could you do that? Well, probably not. It’s not gonna happen, is it? I was like, so you’re telling me there’s no one living on a lake in the States or by a lake in the States? Like that just isn’t true? And she’s like, yes, of course it’s true. Well, it could happen then, can’t it? So sometimes with those limiting beliefs, or sometimes with the beliefs we hold, instead of just trying to flip them, which sometimes doesn’t feel very realistic.

Theresa: Look at examples of people. So let’s go back [00:37:00] to the prices at the pump. No one can afford anything. So does this mean no one is buying anything? Can I find examples of people who are spending money? A hundred percent I can. So is that belief right? No, it’s just my belief. So try and find examples as to where it completely proves you wrong, because otherwise we’ll just find all the examples that prove us, right?

Theresa: It’s like when you go to buy a new car and you are gonna buy a certain make and a certain color, and then suddenly all you see on the road are those make some colors. It’s because your brain is going so there’s more of them, the brain is more aware of it. So it’s showing you more examples. The same as if, if you believe.

Theresa: Well, I can’t do this because all it’s gonna show you is examples to prove you, right? And you need to say to brain, no, we gotta prove you wrong, and therefore you need to start doing that. I love 

Amanda: that car example. It’s called, what is it like Reticulated Activation System or something 

Theresa: like that? Is that what it’s called?

Theresa: I’m gonna Google that afterwards. I’m gonna steal 

Amanda: that. The R a s I read a book and, sorry [00:38:00] guys, I don’t remember which book that was talking all about, that kind of thing where there’s so much information that we’re taking in. Mm-hmm. at any given time. all day long. Like I’m standing here in my closet doing this podcast interview and there’s a light right here that’s shining in my face, and there’s one monitor where I have all of my notes for the interview, and then I’ve got the notes I’m taking and I, there is so much happening, even in this one little space that I’m in all the time.

Amanda: Yeah. That our brain cannot take in. Alls I can really take in right now is looking at you and listening to you. If I shift my attention to look at the other screen to make sure I. Hitting all the topics I wanna hit, then it’s just my attention. But there’s only so much we can take in, and when we’re going about our day-to-day, there’s so much that our eyes take in that our brain doesn’t even.

Amanda: Acknowledge. Yeah. Because it’s system overload. Until you give your brain a reason to start acknowledging those things. Like the car, the specific car you’d like to buy, and all of a sudden they’re everywhere. They were always everywhere. Yeah. Your brain just didn’t have a reason to take it in. So I’m really glad [00:39:00] that you brought that up.

Amanda: I love brain stuff. I know. 

Theresa: It’s so good. And it’s a very practical way of explaining where like, cuz if you say to people, just think positive thoughts, more positive thoughts will come your way. It’s like, Whatever, . Whereas actually, when you think about it that way, like, and, and we are really good at proving ourselves, right?

Theresa: So if we are like, well, everything’s awful, it’s all dreadful, the world’s falling apart, then our brain is gonna go, oh, that’s what you wanna see. Exactly like you just said and show you all that stuff. So we have to change what’s in our brain to then make sure our brain is looking for the stuff that we need to see.

Amanda: Yeah, absolutely. Oh, this has been such a great conversation. If you could give the listeners one action step to take this week to prepare themselves better for really diving into the mindset side of 

Theresa: things, what would it be? To listen to your thoughts, like just. Listen to some of the things you say to [00:40:00] yourselves and some of the things that happen.

Theresa: And that’s why the journaling is so good because you can write those thoughts down and then you go, oh wow, did I really say that to myself? But just watch out for them and just listen to like, oh, okay. That’s interesting because when I did that, I called myself an idiot three times or That’s interesting that someone said to me, you know, it’s a lovely day.

Theresa: And I was like, you think so? Like, Just be mindful of what’s going on in your brain because as we’ve just pointed out, what’s happening in there is, is almost showing your reality and, and therefore, if you don’t like what you’re looking at, it might be that there’s something in there that you’re saying or thinking that is adding to that and is basically driving that.

Theresa: So just be super aware and be super kind to. We’re doing amazing. Like everyone is amazing. Like High five yourself right now. You’re phenomenal . 

Amanda: Yes I that. Everyone is doing a great job no matter how you’re feeling today. Yeah, you did great. We end every episode with a book recommendation, and I know you’ve already given two [00:41:00] really great ones that we will also link to in the show notes, but if there was one book that you recommended that everyone go read, what would it.

Theresa: Oh man, it, this is like one of the hardest things cuz I am, I inhale books and I love reading. Um, and it depends on my mood and it depends where I am. I think, uh, one of my favorites, oh, I tell you what, uh, Atlas at the heart, Brene Brown, that was one of the ones I’ve read recently. And it’s so good, like, especially if you’re trying to become aware, It talks about all the different emotions and how they are and how they affect us, and it’s very, very smart book.

Theresa: And she’s crazy smart man. She is like, she’s on my wishlist for my podcast a hundred percent. Oh, I love 

Amanda: that. I have not read that one of hers, so I will have to go add that to my to read list. Theresa, this conversation has been so good. Thank you so much for being here and for taking the time to come on and share all about what it is that you do with [00:42:00] my listeners where, because now I know that they’re already to dive in, to start becoming more self-aware so that they can improve their mindset.

Amanda: Where is the best place for them to find you so that they can continue down that journey 

Theresa: with. So you can basically search Teresa wearing anywhere and you will find me. But you can go to Theresa Heath wearing.com or you can find me on Instagram, cuz that’s my favorite place to hang out. So that’s where you’ll find me most.

Theresa: Perfect. 

Amanda: And we’ll have all of Theresa’s stuff link in the show notes so you guys can easily find her. Thank you again for being 

Theresa: here. Thank you so much. It’s been my pleasure.

Amanda: Thank you so much for joining me here today, friend. If you loved this episode, it would mean the world to me if you’d leave a rating and review. This is a great way to help spread the word about this podcast and help other wonderful women like yourself find it. You can find this episode show notes as well as tons of other great resources over@amandawarfield.com.

Amanda: And if you aren’t following me on Instagram yet, I’d love to connect with you [00:43:00] over there. I’m at Mrs. Amanda Warfield. Shoot me a DM and tell me what you love most about this episode. Thanks for being here, friend. I’ll see you next time.

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